‘The Hangover’’ by Juli Turpin (postcard by David Shrigley)
“Whatever you do, don’t try and escape from your pain, but be with it”
Tibetan Book of Living and Dying
I think we took a different path. As a society we’re not so much into being with our pain as using everything in our power to mask and eradicate it. The means of distraction and numbing at our disposal are varied and plentiful, from shopping, sugar, screens, alcohol and pharmaceuticals to simply being busy all the time. Our culture doesn’t just make addiction possible it cultivates and supports it at every juncture.
According to addiction expert Gabor Mate, at the root of most cases of severe addiction lies a history of childhood trauma in particular that of abuse. He describes addiction, not as the problem, but as the consequence of pain and our efforts to suppress it. Our addictions are essentially painkillers, whether gambling or drugs they both excite and release brain chemicals which give us momentary relief from pain.
The number one choice of painkiller where I’m from is alcohol and stopping short of too much is widely considered to be anathema. Drinking to excess was my norm and although I remained within the realm of acceptability, given the cultural threshold this is no great claim. It’s my own trek from reckless abandon which makes my interest in this subject so potent.
What strikes me about the nature of addiction in the States is how systemic it is; the symbiosis of ultra processed food and pharmaceuticals a vital component of a corporatocracy. My perspective, that of an outsider regardless of which side of the Atlantic I’m on has taught me that ‘normal’ is simply a narrative entirely dependent on the environment in which we find ourselves.
With an allopathic approach to health we tend not to consider something actionable until it’s pathological. It’s similar with addiction, rather than contemplate where we might all be on the spectrum, it’s only those of us who find ourselves barely or non-functioning as a result of addiction who are marginalised.
Someone at a party once asked me what my worst nightmare would be. My reply was ‘not fulfilling my potential’. I was in my early 20’s at the time and was kind of plagued by this sense of not inhabiting myself fully. A consequence of pain avoidance is that when we shun those areas that seem too painful to face, we lose access to parts of ourselves and end up functioning in the world as something less than we were meant to be.
I’m not sure there’s an end point in the quest for wholeness, it’s more of a never-ending inward trajectory. This journey towards truly inhabiting oneself requires a willingness to push into the areas we most resist. And the presence of a compassionate, non-judgemental ally. Someone who harbours no desire to change or fix, who can simply listen deeply and bear witness to our experience. This is how we heal.
“Don’t remove my pain it is my chance to heal” Björk
